I signed on to an internet computer the other day, and the previous user had left a message on the screen. Failed to close out his email, and just left the message up for all to see. I glanced at it at first, but it caught my eye and I ended up reading it.
I have posted this message, even though it is very personal, because I think it vividly portrays some of the not-so-visible sacrifices soldiers make when they go to war.
The message is from a soldier here. His Hawaii-based unit has been here a year, and was extended for a couple of months, to cover the upcoming elections. He was supposed to be home by the time he wrote this letter. I have changed all the names. The spelling, punctuation, grammer, and everything else is exactly as he wrote it.
According to this CNN article, the divorce rate among families where one soldier has been sent to war is as high as 21%. The Army is trying to deal with this. http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/12/29/military.marriages.ap/index.html
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to my beautiful wife,
hello baby, i just wanted to write you a letter to tell you how i truly feel about you. i dont know when you will read this, or if you ever will. but i have to tell you what it is that i cant hold inside of me any longer. this past 10 months has been a long ruff road for us, i cant even imagine what has been going on in your life for the past several months, simply for the reason we havent been that close as we were a yr ago. but in my life it has been horrible, this war has taken its toll on me, i am so exhausted-physically, mentally, and emotional. i am going to try to say somethings and i hope you dont take them the wrong way, i hope you try to understand me. Ruby Sue, when i first left back in Janurary, i had in my mind that we were inseperable, i knew with out a doubt that we could make it thru this year, and when i got back would be a time to celebrate our love together as one, that thought has been my strength to live thru day to day, i knew that the only way i could survive this place was to always think of you. and for the first 6 months or so. that was the case, but things have changed so much between us, your life has drifted so far off from where we were when i had to leave, i know you have had issues that you had alot of trouble dealing with, and i understand that your life has been hard, but i feel only because you let it. you let the stress of everday life burden you so bad that it effects everyone that loves you. and the part that hurts me so bad is that you have just pushed away, i dont know why, but i think it might be because you feel that you can fix all your problems on your own, or that i may be a part of your problems, but whatever it is, you have just left me alone, and it hurts so bad, and my dreams of seeing you when i return have been crushed because you wont be there, i am terrified of how i will feel when you are not going to be there. i am scared to death of being alone, after letting myself believe for the past year that you will be there waiting me, i'm sure i will get thru this, but i dont want to have to get thru it, i want my wife back, i want my kids back, and i want our family when i get back, i dont feel that you are being fair to your self, the kids, or me with your descision on not moving back to hawaii, i just hope that you can remember how it felt the last time i held you and how happy we were when we were together, and how happy the kids were. i feel gail needs a man in his life, but not just a man, he needs a dad, and he's not getting that there. you know that i can give him that, and chris will have plenty of friends to play with too. and our family was complete before i left and i know that if you just let it, then it can be again, ruby sue, you can not just let this love keep fading away, let me be good to you and your kids, let this family be together, give it a chance, what do you have to loose? the way things are right now couldnt possibly be any better than the way they would be if you were to come back to me. and if it is so bad that you just cant stand hawaii any more, even with me being there with you, then i wont ask you to stay, but i'm pleading with you to just come and see if it can work. i feel you owe me that as my wife, give us a chance again, you will see that i am everything i say i am as your husband, i will do all i can to support you and our kids, you will see that i love the kids, and you will defenitely feel the love i have for you, so if you have any feelings for me at all, please consider what i am asking, it might sound a bit much, but it will be OK when we are together, I have never wanted anything so much in my life, most men want less responsibility and more freedom to do what they want, but i want a family, i like the idea of having something else to live for other than myself, and i have prayed for you and the kids everyday since i have been here. and i prayed that we can be together as one family for always, i love you, gail, kim, and chris so very much, i would lay down and die for each of you to make sure that you could have all that you desire, i will be loyal to you and i will be faithful to you for now and forever, i will never want us to be apart, i will never ask you to stay somewhere alone that you dont want to be, and i will provide for you as long as i am able. and above all i will always always, love you with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul,
loving husband
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