Petticoat Junction

If you’re old enough, as I am, you probably remember the sitcom “Petticoat Junction”, the series that spawned “Green Acres”. PJ was loosely about three pretty young sisters living in Hooterville. Descriptive name. To some extent, I’m living in Hooterville now.

The restaurant chain Hooters donated a bunch of calendars late last year, and I have seen them all over the FOB, and off it. I have one in my CHU, as a matter of fact, as it’s one of only two calendars I have. The other hangs in my office and this month features two Roseate Spoonbills, which are nice, but not quite as interesting as the Pinkish Mellonbreasted Ditzes on my Hooters calendar. But I digress.

I have seen the Hooters calendar in lots of offices and work spaces. Many of our units, being combat arms, are male only so there are no complaints coming from those units about the calendars. Most of the other calendars are usually at least discretely displayed, but not all. I have not heard any complaints about them. It seems that females in the Army tolerate a higher testosterone level than females in civilian occupations. Perhaps female soldiers feel like complaining will ostracize them, or that complaints will fall on deaf ears. I’m not sure. I do know that lots of females here feel pretty free to cuss, and look at Maxim, and all in all are not as PC as civilians. But I digress.

I was recently in the office of a commander, and on his door was the near-ubiquitous Hooters calendar. I studied it a moment, strictly in the interests of science, and noted that it displayed the wrong month. I pointed this out to the commander, and he said “It’s always August in my office.” He seems to have taken a fancy to Meri, or Misti, or whoever it is.

He then asked, “How tall do you think she is?” I studied the photo even closer, again, strictly in the interests of science, and determined that it was impossible to tell how tall Holly is. There is nothing in the picture to give it scale. “I dunno,” I said, “what do you think?” “I’ll bet she’s about five four,” he said about the Hooterlicious blond, which gave me a glimpse into his mind.