Jed Al-Clampett and kin

Granny's wearing a burkha.

That's good eatin'

I talked to a soldier a couple of days ago about a mutual friend back home. I told the soldier I was a bit worried about our friend. When I saw him on leave, he seemed depressed. We talked about that a bit, and the soldier told me that our friend is taking care of the soldier’s dog while we’re deployed. The soldier said “I think [my dog] cheers him up. She’s pretty good about that.”

While checking a different email network in our Mayor’s office, I overheard a 19 year old female soldier microwaving some lunch and talking about it. She said she never goes to the chow hall. I asked her about that, and she described how delicious macaroni and cheese is, and how she bought a case of it a week ago, pointing to it, and how all she has left are a few packets. She eats it pretty much for every meal, rounded out by a soda pop. I asked her what she does for variety to make sure she gets healthy nutrition. She said that she gets a pizza now and then. I told her she was going to get rickets, or scurvy, eating like that. I said, “Well, I hope you’re at least taking vitamins.” She burst out laughing, and said “You’re kidding, aren’t you?”

Focus

My network access has been on the fritz lately, so I haven’t been able to post. And, I’m working on a large case that is taking up lots of my time, so posting has been thin.

- It got to 127.6 degrees the other day. The main thing I noticed was that it smelled hot, like hot dirt. And, the wind in my ear made it ache.

- I picked up a copy of “1984” by George Orwell in the laundry facility, and just started reading it. One of the slogans of the Party is “War is Peace.” This doesn’t sound so far from “We fight them over there so we don’t have to fight them here” to me. Of course, the most famous slogan is "Big Brother is Watching You."

- Rumors of when we’re going to pull out are swirling around. Nobody knows anything for sure, but that doesn’t stop, and probably encourages, speculation. And, it causes soldiers to think about going home rather than about the matters at hand. Inevitably, I suppose, soldiers being human. I’m also seeing soldiers who are reluctant to go outside the wire; no one wants to get hurt or killed so close to the end. Before, with departure so remote, it was easy to put it out of your mind and just think about the mission. Now the mission is not new and exciting, we’ve been there, done that, it’s hot and uncomfortable, and soldiers are weary. I heard a soldier blurt out, as we drove along returning to our FOB, “Iraq can kiss my ass!” No one had been speaking. He just felt like saying it, I guess. Even with this type of mental distraction, our leaders are doing well at keeping the soldiers focused, and most soldiers are focused. It just gets more difficult as we go along.

Hootersville

I walked into an operations office today, and noticed a framed 8 by 10 picture hanging on the wall. It was of seven women, dressed in the white tops and orange shorts of Hooters employees. They were all bent forward at the waist, looking back over their shoulders. The picture was taken from the rear, er, toward the rears.

It had been signed with the caption “We’re behind you all the way!”

So, civilization is creeping into Iraq.

Petticoat Junction

If you’re old enough, as I am, you probably remember the sitcom “Petticoat Junction”, the series that spawned “Green Acres”. PJ was loosely about three pretty young sisters living in Hooterville. Descriptive name. To some extent, I’m living in Hooterville now.

The restaurant chain Hooters donated a bunch of calendars late last year, and I have seen them all over the FOB, and off it. I have one in my CHU, as a matter of fact, as it’s one of only two calendars I have. The other hangs in my office and this month features two Roseate Spoonbills, which are nice, but not quite as interesting as the Pinkish Mellonbreasted Ditzes on my Hooters calendar. But I digress.

I have seen the Hooters calendar in lots of offices and work spaces. Many of our units, being combat arms, are male only so there are no complaints coming from those units about the calendars. Most of the other calendars are usually at least discretely displayed, but not all. I have not heard any complaints about them. It seems that females in the Army tolerate a higher testosterone level than females in civilian occupations. Perhaps female soldiers feel like complaining will ostracize them, or that complaints will fall on deaf ears. I’m not sure. I do know that lots of females here feel pretty free to cuss, and look at Maxim, and all in all are not as PC as civilians. But I digress.

I was recently in the office of a commander, and on his door was the near-ubiquitous Hooters calendar. I studied it a moment, strictly in the interests of science, and noted that it displayed the wrong month. I pointed this out to the commander, and he said “It’s always August in my office.” He seems to have taken a fancy to Meri, or Misti, or whoever it is.

He then asked, “How tall do you think she is?” I studied the photo even closer, again, strictly in the interests of science, and determined that it was impossible to tell how tall Holly is. There is nothing in the picture to give it scale. “I dunno,” I said, “what do you think?” “I’ll bet she’s about five four,” he said about the Hooterlicious blond, which gave me a glimpse into his mind.

Bats

Just as different types of birds migrate through here, it seems that now it is time for bats. In the last couple weeks bats have taken over the evening sky. They come out about a half hour before sunset. I can’t tell how long they stay, because it’s dark.

Lots of bats. At any given time you can just look around the sky and see several. Stand in once spot for 5 minutes and you’ll be able to count 25 – 50 bats flying around, ffft ffft ffft ffft as they flap by. These are good sized bats. Bigger than a sparrow, close to the size of a robin, and solid dark brown. Some guys will flip small rocks up in the air, and the bats will swoop down at the rock.

We don’t seem to have lots of insects, which I suppose may be because there are so many bats. However, even before the bats showed up we didn’t seem to have an insect problem. The bats don’t swoop down low; they stay about telephone pole altitude. Everyone has short hair so I guess we’re not worried about getting bats in our hair. Or we’re wearing a helmet.

Lazy, crazy, hazy days of summer

In addition to the heat, another aspect to the weather here is the haze. It's not from wind kicking it up, don't think. It's not like a sand storm. I just think that when it's so hot, that the air is thin and rises, and dust and particulates go with it. Also, I suppose that the lack of moisture in the air probably helps the particles stay light and airborne.

The sun sets before it sets. That is, it disappears in the sky before it actually dips below the horizon, as you can see from the picture on the left. If you hold your hand out at arms length, the sun disappears about two fingers width above the actual horizon.


Sometimes a haze in the air will make for beautiful sunsets. Not so here, at least lately. Just kind of a bland, light haze. The picture on the right was taken after the sun disappeared, but before it actually went below the horizon (I think, based on the time elapsed. Hard to tell, since I couldn't actually see the sun).

Hot enough for ya?

It’s been warm here this week. 120 degrees a few times, and yesterday it got to 125 again. Our electricity went out at 0800, and didn’t come back until around 1900, due to a change over to a new power supply. My office heated up to 98 degrees, and my room got to about 106. I was sure happy when the power came back in the evening.

At 120 or 125 degrees, the heat is a force to be reckoned with. It feels like the air is thick and it completely envelopes you, like jumping into warm water. As I walk along in the sun, I can feel the heat from my clothing on my skin as the cloth heats up. When the wind blows, it really feels hot. You’ve opened the oven door and had the hot air hit you in the face. The effect is similar here when the wind blows, though of course not as hot as an oven. You feel that hot air, and you wonder if maybe it’s going to burn you.

When it’s cold and the wind blows, the wind chill effect makes it feel colder, even though the wind won’t lower the temperature on a thermometer. I guess your body creates a little aura of warmth that the wind strips away. Likewise, when it’s hot, I think the same effect applies, in reverse. The wind has been blowing here almost every afternoon.

Lots of soldiers work outside all day, and many of them have to wear body armor while they’re doing it. It’s difficult to drink a bottle of water before it gets warm, and who wants to drink warm water? I count my self as very lucky to work in an office most the time.

Sunrise

Now that it appears I can post pics, I'll try to do it when I can. However, it is a slow process, and I have to do it from the Internet Cafe, as I don't have access to the blogspot website from my normal portal.

This is a picture of a recent sunrise, about 10 minutes after actual sunrise. This is pretty typical; very hazy all the time, no clouds.

Holy Grail

This is just a test, to see if I can finally load up pictures, the Holy Grail for blogging.

Hopefully, a picture of the author of this blog, smiling before going out on a convoy last February.

Every day is a good day to somebody, I suppose

Yesterday it got up to 125 degrees. It was 90 deg. by 0800, and 100 deg. shortly after nine. I had planned the day before to go for morning run, before the heat of the day, but didn’t get going until about 0830. The heat kind of took me by surprise. It had only been 115-118 the preceding days, and didn’t get so hot so early.

I talked to a couple of soldiers today, and mentioned that it was a little cooler today (116). One said, “Oh, was it hotter yesterday? I guess I didn’t notice. I’ve gotten kind of numb to it. Wearing body armor all day makes every day hot.”

Right after I left those soldeirs, I walked to lunch. Standing by the clearing barrel I asked a soldier how his day was going. “Today, sir? Today is a really good day.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“I had a really good talk with my wife last night.”

At his point I was thinking this soldier wants to tell me something, so I kept asking questions.

“What was so good about the talk?’ I asked as we approached the hand washing station.

“Well, sir, we finally came to an agreement about me staying the Army” he said. He told me that he likes the Army life and wants to stay in, but his wife doesn’t like it and wants him to get out.

“What finally changed her mind?” I asked. “Well, I finally just said 'Look, I’m the man and I earn the money, and I’d like to be able to decide what I do for a living’” he told me.

“And she was OK with that?” I asked, a bit taken aback, “I mean, really OK with it? She’s not going to hold it against you?”

“Oh no, sir, she’s fine with it. I think she was just relieved that we made a decision and got it over with. An of course, the bonus doesn’t hurt.” And then the happy soldier walked into the dining facility, leaving me drying my hands and smiling.

We are all British

We Americans have no better friends than the British, and their support of us is even more appreciated and poignant now that they have suffered from the recent terrorist attacks in London.

It's difficult to find words to express how much their suport of our endeavors means to me, and how much I desire to extend similar support.

The Brits have always been steadfast by our side, and I hope that the US always stands steadfast by the British, ready to lend aid, comfort, logistics, men and material, whatever, as if to our own citizens. Friendship such as we enjoy with the British is worthy of every expenditure, every sacrifice, and every effort we can devote to the cause.

We cannot go it alone. We need good friends like the British. They have been good friends to us, and I hope we show that we will be good friends to them.

We are all British.

Fourth of July

For the 4th of July, I took the road trip described in another post. I’m sure there were celebratory activities on our FOB, but I didn’t happen across them.

The chow hall was nicely decked out. Oddly, they removed the table cloths which were either solid red, white or blue, and replaced them with desert camo plastic table cloths. They wrapped RW&B bunting around various things, had a big cake decorated in a patriotic theme, and the main line was hot dogs, hamburgers, etc, which is what is usually served in the short order line. I had the trout, which has not been served before as far as I know.

Tonight at 2100, to celebrate the 4th of July, “God Bless America” (or maybe “America the Beautiful,” I only caught the last few strains) was broadcast over our Big Voice system, then the Army song (Caissons Go Rolling Along) then the Air Force song (Up and Away), then a few red star clusters were shot up, and I heard some celebratory gunfire outside our FOB. That was it. The songs were pretty cool, as the Big Voice is so loud.

We have this killer ordnance that can light up the sky for miles, but didn’t break it out, because it is killer ordnance. Also, shooting anything into the air that explodes is taken pretty seriously around here. A real fireworks show would probably drive the target acquisition guys crazy.

Happy Fourth of July from one of the new Minutemen.

What would you choose?

This morning I went to another FOB, where Purple Heart medals were presented to several soldiers. The trip was uneventful, although on the way out we drove past a spot where an IED had exploded not long before we got there. We left in the early morning and returned before noon, so we missed traveling in the heat of the day. Still, it is dang warm in the Hummvs.

The new versions have A/C, which is nice, (what’s next, CD players?) but even so it is still hot. As one soldier put it to me, A/C just means it’s 110 degrees inside instead of 130 degrees. We’re wearing body armor, helmets, gloves, and eye and hearing protection, so not much opportunity for perspiration cooling. The Army requires that shirt sleeves be rolled down. The hatch is always open up top with the gunner looking out, so warm air blows in and displaces the cooled air. The heat from the engine flows under the vehicle and heats up the floor boards and console. Although the vehicles look large, the seating area is tiny, with the wide console taking up most of the inside space. Soldiers essentially sit in a metal box heated by engine airflow.

And, the heater system seems to always be on. The heater is activated by pulling a knob attached to a cable, and deactivated by pushing on the knob/cable. Ever try to push a piece of string? Kind of the same concept with the cable. It just never seems to push in all the way and shut off the heat. You push on the knob trying to get the last heat to shut off and the knob just springs back out. I talked to one poor soldier whose Hummv tended to overheat, so the only way they could keep moving was to turn the heater on full. No day at the beach, I’ll tell you.

Nevertheless, I’d rather be riding around in a hot Hummv than qualifying for a Purple Heart.

Cosmo girl

I was walking back from the chow hall tonight, waiting for traffic to clear and for the kicked up dust to settle, standing there by the road edge, sniffing dust and sweating in the 110 degree heat, when a soldier in a white Nissan pickup stopped and asked if I needed a ride. I didn’t think a ride would save me much walking, but I figured, “What the hell.”

I hopped in and asked him “How’s it going?” “Okay,” he said, “except for my personal life.” Sensing an opening, I asked “How’s that?”

Turns out he divorced early this year, but in late May he got remarried. Well, he has continuing financial obligations from his divorce, and apparently his new bride is in debt also, so money is tight. His wife recently lost her job due to cutbacks at the small medical office where she worked.

He has been sending home whatever money he can, but it is not enough. His bride has started stripping for extra income. They live in a small town and he is worried about running into someone who says, “Want to buy some naked pictures of your wife?”

“Well, it’s just bikini stripping, isn’t it?” I asked. “Oh no, butt naked” he said, with what seemed to me to be a bit of pride in his voice.

According to the soldier, his wife is a babe worthy of a Cosmo cover. It’s eating him up that a married woman, especially his married woman, is stripping. “I’m old school. That shit ain’t right.” He’s been occupying his time by working out in the gym and trying not to think about it.

Poor guy just wants to be home so he can provide for his wife and work on his marriage. He’s conflicted. He likes to have a stripworthy wife - who wouldn’t?- and is proud of her, but doesn’t want other guys checking her out. The future of his marriage is not looking so good at the moment.

Return visitor

That damn nasty scorpion returned a couple days ago. I had been keeping a weather eye out for it, each morning looking carefully in dark places and behind desks and furniture, but saw no trace of it. I assumed it returned from whence it came, since there is probably nothing for it to eat in my office. ( I don’t know what those things eat, but unless it’s dust bunnies, they’ll find nothing edible on my floor.)

A soldier came in to see me and as I swung my door shut, there it was in the corner behind the door. It startled me, but as I looked at it, it appeared a bit puny. Its tail stretched out flaccidly behind it, and its pinchers weren’t extended out front. I left it alone for a few hours, and after it hadn’t moved for a while, I got a stick and touched its tail. No reaction. Thank god.

I left it alone a while longer just to be sure, and at the end of the day slipped a piece of paper under it and picked it up. I slid it off into the top of a side table I have, where it currently sits, creeping me out every time I look over at it. I’m kind of waiting for a visitor to see it and be startled.

To say it has a face only a mother could love is an understatement. It does indeed have eight legs like a spider, which doesn’t add to its charm if you ask me. My girlfriend suggested (over the phone) that it laid eggs and then died. Great. Thanks for that comforting thought. Just when I figured I could let my guard down.

A billion $ a week

I went to another FOB yesterday, to do my last unit survey, and to talk to the soldiers in that small unit. The unit is from a northeastern state, and is attached to us for our rotation.

I was feeling kind of funny about this trip. Putting 12 soldiers’ lives at risk to administer a survey, well, let’s just say I’d have felt very badly if anyone had been hurt. However, the worst thing that happened was that I missed lunch. So that’s no so bad.

The soldiers had occupied a house, and had modified it to fit their needs, primarily by subdividing it to make more living space. For example, picture a breezeway between a garage and a house. Well, that space would be walled in, and then split into several rooms. They all had good air conditioning. Still, they were small dark rooms housing at least two men, and stuffed with all their gear, equipment, and personal items.

If your office is around 10 x 10, or if you have a small room in your house, go there and look around it. Picture 2 bunk beds, all the gear issued to two men, all the personal & comfort items for two men, no window, one four-foot fluorescent tube, clothes, food, desk tops with computers, and then imagine living there for a year.

The chow hall on that FOB serves only two meals a day, and every room I looked in was stocked with civilian food. They are getting food mailed from home, and would cook it there on a two burner hot plate. One fellow related a story of packing meat in dry ice and bringing it home from leave.

The issue here is $$. There are simply not enough soldiers on that FOB for the Army to justify putting a decent chow hall there. It’s also manpower. If soldiers are cooking, and pulling KP, they aren’t doing the other mission. They didn’t seem to mind their circumstances. I am continually impressed, surprised, amazed by how much soldiers will put up with and still keep good humor.

America is truly sending some of it best young (and in the case of the Guard, not so young) men and women to fight this war.